How To Install A Door Closer On A Storm Door

Let's talk storm doors. Specifically, those little hydraulic arms that keep them from slamming. You know, door closers.

I have a confession. I kind of enjoy putting them on. Don't judge me!

Gather Your Arsenal

First, grab your toolbox. You'll need a drill. Probably a screwdriver, maybe two. And definitely safety glasses. You don't want rogue metal shavings visiting your eyeballs. Trust me.

Then comes the door closer itself. Make sure you got the right size. Too small, and your door will become a missile. Too big, and you’ll be fighting a hydraulic beast every time you want to get the mail.

Location, Location, Location

Now, the fun part: figuring out where this thing goes. The instructions… well, let's just say they're open to interpretation. It's all about finding that sweet spot on both your door and frame.

Hold the closer up there. Eyeball it. Does it look right? Good enough! (We're going for functional, not a museum piece, okay?).

Mark the spots. A pencil works fine. Unless you're feeling fancy. Then, break out the chalk. Or lipstick. I won’t judge.

The Drilling Begins

Time for the drill. Remember those safety glasses? Now's their moment to shine. Drill pilot holes at your marks. Not too big. You want the screws to have something to grab onto.

I have a theory about screws. The first one always goes in easy. The second one fights you. The rest are pure evil. Anyone else feel this way?

"Screws: The bane of DIYers everywhere." - Probably Someone Famous

Attach the brackets. One to the door. One to the frame. Use those screws. Try not to strip them. (But if you do, I won't tell anyone. We've all been there).

Connecting the Dots

Now, connect the closer to the brackets. Usually, there's a little pin involved. Don't lose it. Unless you enjoy searching the grass for tiny metal objects. In that case, go nuts.

Almost there! We're in the home stretch. Time to adjust the speed. Most closers have a little valve for this. Tweak it until the door closes smoothly. Not too fast. Not too slow. Goldilocks would approve.

And Voila! You've installed a door closer. Now stand back and admire your handiwork. Bask in the glory of a door that no longer slams.

Fine-Tuning (or Not)

Okay, so maybe it still slams a little. Or maybe it closes way too slowly. That's fine. We can live with it. Right? It’s character!

You can adjust it later. Or just ignore it. It's a storm door. It's not supposed to be perfect. It’s supposed to keep the weather out. Mostly.

Seriously though, a little adjustment can go a long way. But don’t overthink it. You don’t want to end up tinkering with it every day for the rest of your life.

My unpopular opinion: close enough is good enough. Especially when it comes to home repairs. Unless it's leaking water. Then you should probably fix it.

Cleanup & Celebration

Time to clean up. Put away your tools. Throw away the packaging. Maybe have a celebratory beverage. You earned it.

Congratulations! You've successfully installed a door closer. Your door will thank you. Your neighbors will thank you. And your sanity will definitely thank you.

Now, go forth and conquer other household projects. Or just take a nap. You deserve that too.