Okay, let’s talk about something a little… controversial.
Specifically, bass fishing. And a certain procedure some anglers swear by. It’s called... fizzing.
Fizzing: The Non-Needle Approach
Now, I'm not a scientist or anything. But I *do* have strong opinions. And a pair of thumbs.
Forget the needle! Let’s get real.
First, you're gonna need a bass. Preferably one you just caught. Makes the whole process a tad easier, wouldn't you agree?
The Thumb Technique
Alright, here's where my highly scientific approach comes in. Get your thumb. Your dominant thumb, preferably.
Locate the bass's, shall we say, "underbelly". It’s not rocket science. Just look under the fish.
Now, gently... very gently... apply pressure. Imagine you're trying to tickle it from the inside. No, wait, don't actually imagine that.
You're aiming to, with your highly calibrated thumb-pressure, encourage any trapped air to, well, relocate. The fish might give you a look. Ignore it.
If you hear a tiny "burp," congratulations! You’re basically a fish chiropractor.
The Shake & Pray Method
Okay, thumb technique failing you? No problem.
Time for what I affectionately call the "Shake & Pray" method. It's exactly what it sounds like.
Hold the bass firmly, but not too firmly. Don't want to give the poor thing whiplash. Or bruises.
Then, gently... shake it. Like you're trying to dislodge a stubborn penny from a piggy bank. Up and down. Side to side. Get creative!
And while you're shaking, pray. Pray to the fish gods. Pray to Izaak Walton. Pray to whoever you think might be listening and feeling generous with the fishy-burps.
The "Give It Time" Philosophy
Still no fizz? Maybe you're just rushing things.
Sometimes, a bass just needs a moment. A little "me time," if you will.
Gently place it back in the water. Hold it gently. Give it a pep talk. Something along the lines of "You can do it, little buddy! Release that air!"
Then, just wait. Sometimes, the fish figures it out on its own. And you look like a genius.
Important Considerations (AKA Disclaimers)
Let's be clear. This isn’t exactly endorsed by any official fish-fizzing authority.
These are *my* methods. Born of pure stubbornness and a deep-seated aversion to needles.
Also, remember to be gentle. Always. We're talking about living creatures here.
Handle the bass with care. Wet your hands before touching it. Minimize air exposure. You know, the usual fish-handling rules.
Honestly, the best solution to avoid needing to fizz a bass is to avoid catching them from deep water in the first place. But who am I to judge your fishing spots?
The Unpopular Conclusion
Look, I’m not saying traditional fizzing is bad. If it works for you, great.
But I'm also saying that sometimes, a little thumb-pressure, a gentle shake, or just plain patience can do the trick.
Maybe, just maybe, there's more than one way to fizz a fish. And maybe, just maybe, my way is slightly less terrifying. For both you and the bass. So you are welcome, from me.
And if not, well, at least you got a good laugh. Tight lines!
